So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
