are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
