All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
