toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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