wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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