So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm at about main and main street
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
