I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
