I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
