you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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