when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
