Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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