everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
