And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
