Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
