I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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