I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
