She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
