I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Actions speak louder than pants.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
