i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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