apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
