I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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