My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
