Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
