wanna go halves on a baby?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
