woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize