Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
