I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
