It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm bleeding and have questions
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
