Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
