In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
