and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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