I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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