Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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