I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
