There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
