Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
