I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
