it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
