FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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