so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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