i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Oh god it's open bar.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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