So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
