I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
