Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
