oh god the rape fog is back!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
