Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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