she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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