I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
