Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
