today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
