I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
