i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
