Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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