i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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