yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
