I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
