May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize