My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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