got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
