My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
