I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Blood and glitter go together right?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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