Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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