A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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