i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
