don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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