My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
