You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
