I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
