Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize